Single - Strange or just a stupid state of being.
Yeah, I'm going to get on my soapbox today. It's been a while and although life is treating me well enough with new businss, exciting prospects, wonderful friends coming into my life, one aspect of it keeps a depressing corner of my mind constantly occupied. I'm single
Now, to tell the truth, in this day and age, that should be a good thing. With all the hotties running around giving it up and making a brothuh crazy, it's still hard to find someone special. Someone whom I could depend on as a my other half and who would commit to a one on one relationship, where the two of us would be partners for life.
It's funny to me, and ironically so, that I would even care, after being in a relationship that lasted so long (eighteen years) and one that acquired so much, one would think that now that I had that alcoholic burden off my back, I would be happy in my solitude and taking every oppertunity to jump on every passing female I saw. But I can't do that. I am a Christian man, and I actually want a committed relationship with only one woman! Yes, I said that in 2005. With promiscuity on the rise and the alternative lifestyles sickly creeping into the common, I guess I'm just a fossil that still believes in family and trust and honor and all those old values that are supposed to make up a family unit.
So crazy am I, that I have done some foolish things in this singular faze of my life. I have put myself out there with my screewriting, and my marketing and now with the new ventures of newspaper publishing, I find I am pulled in all sors of directions and females are jumping to "come aboard," so to speak, but the kind of females are another matter. Most of them see a ticket to someplace I am not willing to take them. So many want a free ride on the gravy train and will do anything to sop it up. But having been in the fast life the majority of my young life, know the difference between a good woman and hoe. So I am not jumping on anything that spreads good.
Being as introspective as I am, I seek women of substance who will be able to grow with me and accept the ol-skool theology that the man is the head of the home as Christ is the Head of the Church and be there help me acchieve the goals that we set together for our combined lives. That is the crux of my difficulty in find that "good woman." Most have an agenda that really doesn't include a man whom they're willing to submit to, but a money machine that they can use to advance whatever plot they have for their own personal progress. The men they grab and marry are little more than a pocket book and from what I see, couples are little involved with each other from the words, "I do" to the time she says, "I quit."
Being alone makes you do some stupid things too. I have found women that I thought great online and in person they turned in monsters. And don't be fooled by a picture fellas, all good looks ain't good lookin." And I have put myself in embarassing situations that I regretted later, because I jumped at a great looking photo.
I guess, even after all the pain my relationship took me through with her insanity and drunkeness, I do miss the closeness that being with somone brings. I secretly even miss the arguing... well not that really... maybe it was the making up afterwards. But this woman was always so drunk there were few of those, so that's not what I'm talking about. I mean the ideal of having a life mate that understands you like no other - someone there who knows you to a tee, and someone you don't have to put on a mask around. Almost like another you in another body. But it's hard to find someone so smart and intelligent and beautiful at the same time - there's always something wrong. Or maybe I'm just too picky. I know she's out there somewhere and I would like to think that my ex would sober up and give it another chance, but I don't actually see that ever happening now. It has taken her down two many strange roads for me. I am tired of being alone, but I'm really not lonely. I just like knowing that there is someone who thinks like me, who likes the same things and want the best for me as I would her. But where is she? Writing the next best screenplay or American novel? Being an executive on some hot television show, or DJing at a hot radio station? Where? I know I have to take my time this time, to find just the right combination of beauty and brains (sober), but let me tell you, it ain't easy being single!
Just my rant for today... I'll be okay tomorrow.
Posted by bobbyfleeks
at 3:17 AM
Updated: Thursday, 28 July 2005 3:25 AM